you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
