This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
