I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
