omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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