your room smells of hookers.
And success
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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