yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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