i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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