The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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