Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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