I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
