I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
