the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
