that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
