so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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