I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
