Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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