Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
