I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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