sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
