Soap is not a condiment
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
