duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
