do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
