Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
