Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
