I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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