I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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