It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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