I molested 6 butterflies tonight
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
