even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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