About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
