Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
