so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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