lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
