We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He better not be in your backpack
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
