Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
