at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
