The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
