after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
