if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
