He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
