are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
