Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you never un-have a 4some
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
