Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
