ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
