I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
