I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
