You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
