i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
