Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
