Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
