id be glad to
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize