i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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