I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
