Please, let me fuck your mom
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
