Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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