I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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