My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
