Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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