I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
