a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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