Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize