i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
