Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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