i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize