How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
