i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
