mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize