I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
