There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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