Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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