Already got asked if we're dating
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
