C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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