I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
