just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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