WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
