I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
