If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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