The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
