saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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