i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
