He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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