census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
