so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
one two three fourrrrnication!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
