Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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