put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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