apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
