can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
