when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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