Can i not drive my cunt home
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think your dad took our porno
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
