So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize