We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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