I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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