THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
