oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
