She's JV to your varsity
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
