I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
