I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He better not be in your backpack
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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