why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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