i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize