imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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