Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
