I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
