Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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