i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
