OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize