don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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