We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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