You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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